I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
