Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
