I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
