Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
