I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize