Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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