girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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