how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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