No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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