Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
