hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
