Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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