Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
