I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
