If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
