I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
