She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
