ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
