Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You left your phone here
Wait...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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