I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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