all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
