So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is my gift to your gina
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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