She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
