He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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