Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
