Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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