hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
