For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
