I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
