I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
