i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
