look no pants
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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