lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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