I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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