She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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