Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
