if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
