dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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