Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
