I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
