Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
