we're blogging at a bar
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize