we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
