We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
