believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
