im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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