Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
