She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
