I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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