this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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