Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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