I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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