i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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