So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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