Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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