jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
