put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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