Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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