I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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