a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
