she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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