I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
