he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize