I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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