You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Randomize
