Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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