Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
