I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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