Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My bed smells like the plague
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
