I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
