I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish you could order shots online.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize