you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
