i think my mom watched the whole time
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize