try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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