You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
