I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize