Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
