***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
