My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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