I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
