i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
