Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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