I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize